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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The population in most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problem does overpopulation in the cities cause? How can these problems be solved?

#population #cities #people #move #work #opportunities #overpopulation
It is argued that nowadays people tend to migrate to downtowns because they attempt to find job opportunities.
This
 essay will examine cases of
this
 problem and the forthcoming paragraphs
showed
Wrong verb form
will show
show examples
 both advantages side. On the one hand, the basic advantage of living in great cities is that the community should acquire lots of facilities.
In other words
,the community move to cities to find work and new opportunities.
Consequently
, the city
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
 some kinds of problems like traffic jams, especially during rush hours because the nations who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in city centres have their private motors and they try to drive them.
Additionally
, We can see large companies and factories
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 their offices in city centres and these kinds of companies have workers
about
Change preposition
in about
show examples
 of thousand nations and they
hired
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
 convenient accommodations for relaxing after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard work,
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cases
Correct your spelling
causes
show examples
 to increase prices of flats.
For example
, In New York
located
Verb problem
there is
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 Apple company
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
worked
Verb problem
are
show examples
 lots of employees and
this
 company's workers were the reason for traffic jams, particularly
rush
Change preposition
during rush
show examples
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
.
Turn off
Verb problem
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
 of argument, the main reason for
this
 action is that the population did not find work facilities in rural areas.If we want to solve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, we should relocate large
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rural places and here near the factories have to build new tall apartments for workers.
Additionally
, the government should encourage the community to use public transportation to
attain
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 their workplaces. In conclusion, I support
this
 statement because in big cities the public
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffers
show examples
 from noisy pollution and traffic jams that's why the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should remove large plants in the countryside.
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical transitions between ideas for better flow.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar ideas; focus on new insights in each paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure all examples directly support your main ideas for clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic well.
task achievement
A coherent background has been provided for the issues discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urbanization
  • strain on resources
  • property prices
  • traffic congestion
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • sanitation
  • unemployment rates
  • competition
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • mental health
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