IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Money
Use synonyms
 plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role in our
life
Use synonyms
.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it could not gives
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enjoyable
life
Use synonyms
.While in my perspective,
money
Use synonyms
 provides a comfort zone,
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 all basic needs and
luxucy
Correct your spelling
luxury
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate my views and
thus
Linking Words
 lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
 the
first
Linking Words
 and foremost behind
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is worth considering that with the help of
money
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can purchase anything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they want and
stastify
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, If a wants a luxury home
then
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying a house gives a
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 which gives them
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
 and
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can get food to eat,
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 to wear and shelter to sleep
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Thus
Linking Words
, they can get
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 by paying the fees in
institution
Add an article
the institution
an institution
show examples
 and become a
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
person
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 take care of their health.
For instance
Linking Words
, If a
person
Use synonyms
 is purchasing a
healthing
Correct your spelling
health
healthy
 food
then
Linking Words
 it
impoves
Correct your spelling
improves
 their overall
performace
Correct your spelling
performance
, gives
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
 energy to do their work, helps them to concentrate
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 work and students can focus
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
stuides
Correct your spelling
studies
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Money
Use synonyms
 can buy anything and gives a
person
Use synonyms
 a better and dream
life
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, nowadays without
Use synonyms
money
Add a comma
,money
show examples
 nobody can achieve their dreams.
Use synonyms
Add an article
A person
The person
show examples
Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 can get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher education in any profession they want. To
recapitualte
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
, according to the argument aforementioned above, Government should
also
Linking Words
 help to schools by providing them free
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
 in some instant because not everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a big amount to do any
cource
Correct your spelling
course
 of study.
This
Linking Words
 could help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all children to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 without any worry of paying fees. In
last
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their dreams easily.
Submitted by simran201617 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: