IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays shops tend to stay open longer hours every day of week. Is this a positive or negative development?

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It is believed that
markets
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 concentrate on staying
widely
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wide
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 time each
day
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 of the week.
This
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 essay will discuss both of benefits and drawbacks sides of opening department stores for a longer time. I do not believe that stores are not open longer hours per
day
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 of the week.
To begin
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 with advantage of
markets
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 that open longer hours every
day
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 of the week. The first and foremost reason is that the majority of people would like to have some supermarkets rather than long-distance
markets
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 like Bazar and some like
this
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. For ,example some public who are
so
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apply
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lazy and do not want to go to a Bazar, would prefer to visit a
nearly
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apply
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mini-chain which is a convenient version for them
instead
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 of going out
aloud
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apply
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to the
markets
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.
As a result
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, it is related to a person's personality and behaviour,
therefore
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 it is acceptable for these kinds of people, rather than a long-distance outlet.
On the other hand
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, attempting to get a better idea of
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of staying a
much
Correct word choice
long
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 time each
day
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, there are several reasons for making furious populations. The main reason for
this
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 is some
markets
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 are really unnecessary for inhabitants because these types of boutiques only take place,
,
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apply
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furthermore
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furthermore,
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 government should focus on that some unnecessary showrooms should expand to other buildings like business centres, course centres, and banks as well.
Consequently
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, it will be beneficial for all of us to be able to make good decisions.
To sum up
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, from my perspective, the government and
population
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the population
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 should concentrate on these factors to keep
the
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apply
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good conditions for citizens who are looking for something else towards
on
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apply
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these problems.

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and direct response to the prompt. The arguments presented are not fully developed or supported.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are not organized in a logical and coherent manner, and there is a lack of connection between different parts of the essay.
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