IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individual can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

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A group of individuals present the view that the government can make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantical
Correct your spelling
substantial
 changes in society solely, whereas
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that individuals can have a significant effect. I strongly agree with
latter
Add an article
the latter
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 opinion. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 justifiably argue that if humans made a decision to do a change in their own society, it would be done efficiently,
as a result
Linking Words
, the union or cooperation between a wide variety of peers to do a revolution is a vital factor.
For example
Linking Words
, the women were united
toghether
Correct your spelling
together
 to protest against their low salary and a lack of civil freedom in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 about 100 years ago and ultimately they could yield desirable results. another point to consider is the fact that each person has an undoubted effect on
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 children which in turn parents can create a huge change in the future of
community
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the community
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 by cultivating their kids properly.
For instance
Linking Words
, many impressive humans, like leaders,
speechers
Correct your spelling
speeches
speakers
,entrepreneurs and so on, take an action to replace
world
Correct article usage
the world
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instead
Linking Words
 a better place to live.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the government are more prominent to make a
chamnge
Correct your spelling
change
 in public. they insist that the power of authority can compel the general population to do new things,
such
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 as defining some laws to forbid
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain actions in
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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.
However
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, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as the authority only can determine a new rule but
people
Use synonyms
 can
scape
Correct your spelling
escape
show examples
 from conforming
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
, in that, the changes are not applied unless humans could decide to accept that. To conclude, in my view the role of individuals to change in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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 is of paramount importance with regard to being union and upbringing effective children.
moreover
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, the government could not compel
people
Use synonyms
 to conform
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 rules.

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