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Band 5.5

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature
People
 have differing views with regard to the question of what the root causes of most
crimes
 are, the
problems
 related to our society,
such
 as impoverishment, or the bad
nature
 of the criminals. While it is undeniable that poverty and other social problem could lead to
crimes
, I believe that it is the
nature
 of the criminals that prompts the illegal activities. Possible reasons will be discussed in the following essay. There are two main reasons to support those who agree with
people
break
Change the form of the verb
breaking
show examples
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money issues or social
problems
.
Firstly
, unemployment is highly associated with steal and robbery. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 consequence of the development of technologies,
people
 with little or lower education or skills are more likely to lose their jobs and less likely to be recruited. Under the desperate desire
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 money to support their families, they tend to get involved in
crimes
. The
first
 industrial revolution could be a typical example of
this
.
Secondly
, some social
problems
such
 as discrimination could
also
 play a significant role in offences.
People
 might have wrong recognition of themselves because of their particular skin colour or nationalities, which could mislead them to
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
show examples
 the opinion that both their value and power are higher than
others’
Correct your spelling
others
show examples
;
therefore
, assaults, injuries,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 murder occur.
However
, I would agree with those who believe that bad
nature
 is the main cause of
crimes
.
Firstly
, lack of money is only the trigger of
crimes
, not all the poor
people
 would hurt others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because their moral baselines would not allow them to do
such
 things.
Secondly
, lots of
crimes
, especially economic
crimes
 happened among the wealthy group, the only reason
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 explain
this
 is greed. Even
their
Correct word choice
though their
show examples
 procession is much more than others, they never feel satisfied.
Last
 but not the least,
people
 with
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 tendencies usually hurt other
people
 without any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. Some researchers have shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 with violent
nature
 usually are not able to control themselves to be peaceful, and they assault others without any conscious. In conclusion,
although
 poverty and other social
problems
 could prompt
people
 to break the laws
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent, my own view is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
nature
,
such
 as greed and violence, is the initiator of
crimes
.
Submitted by meet530 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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