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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature
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People
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 have differing views with regard to the question of what the root causes of most
crimes
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 are, the
problems
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 related to our society,
such
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 as impoverishment, or the bad
nature
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 of the criminals. While it is undeniable that poverty and other social problem could lead to
crimes
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, I believe that it is the
nature
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 of the criminals that prompts the illegal activities. Possible reasons will be discussed in the following essay. There are two main reasons to support those who agree with
people
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break
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breaking
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law
Add an article
the law
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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money issues or social
problems
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.
Firstly
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, unemployment is highly associated with steal and robbery. As
the
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a
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 consequence of the development of technologies,
people
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 with little or lower education or skills are more likely to lose their jobs and less likely to be recruited. Under the desperate desire
of
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for
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 money to support their families, they tend to get involved in
crimes
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. The
first
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 industrial revolution could be a typical example of
this
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.
Secondly
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, some social
problems
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such
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 as discrimination could
also
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 play a significant role in offences.
People
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 might have wrong recognition of themselves because of their particular skin colour or nationalities, which could mislead them to
harbor
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harbour
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 the opinion that both their value and power are higher than
others’
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others
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;
therefore
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, assaults, injuries,
even
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and even
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 murder occur.
However
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, I would agree with those who believe that bad
nature
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 is the main cause of
crimes
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.
Firstly
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, lack of money is only the trigger of
crimes
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, not all the poor
people
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 would hurt others
,
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apply
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 because their moral baselines would not allow them to do
such
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 things.
Secondly
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, lots of
crimes
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, especially economic
crimes
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 happened among the wealthy group, the only reason
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 explain
this
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 is greed. Even
their
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though their
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 procession is much more than others, they never feel satisfied.
Last
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 but not the least,
people
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 with
violence
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violent
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 tendencies usually hurt other
people
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 without any
reasons
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reason
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. Some researchers have shown that
,
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apply
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people
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 with violent
nature
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 usually are not able to control themselves to be peaceful, and they assault others without any conscious. In conclusion,
although
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 poverty and other social
problems
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 could prompt
people
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 to break the laws
in
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to
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 some extent, my own view is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad
nature
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,
such
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 as greed and violence, is the initiator of
crimes
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.
Submitted by meet530 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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