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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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A lot of factories are producing sugary and unhealthy snacks and beverage that contains high levels of
sugar
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 as opposed to a little nutrition
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 leads to many diseases, like obesity and heart attack. Some
people
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 believe that the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 should be increased in order to reduce
their
Change the word
the
show examples
sugar
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intake
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 of
people
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. I don’t disagree with
this
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 method because
it’s
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 useless and meaningless.
It’s
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 undeniable that
people
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 should control their
sugar
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intake
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 every
day
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 in order to live a healthy life, but a higher
price
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 is not helpful to encourage
people
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 to eat less
sugar
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. Even though
people
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 should spend more money than before to purchase those food containing high levels of
sugar
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,
this
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 doesn’t mean consuming less sugary
products
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. Only those manufactories would gain profits and invest in more sugary food to attract
people
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 to buy and eat. According to a 2021 report from the Taobao shopping festival marketing team(the biggest Chinese online shopping website), from the
first
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 shopping festival in 2010 to 2020,
although
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 the
price
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 of sugary snacks has doubled for each product on average, the number of sales increased at least four times over the period of ten years.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 is not the only con of higher prices of sugary
products
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.
Moreover
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, some sugary foods and drinks have already become a necessity in our daily lives and
it’s
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 unimaginable to pay more for them in order to restrict
sugar
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 consumption. When celebrating special events, like birthdays or weddings, the host usually provides their consumers with cakes, ice cream and many different kinds of beverages, which are both made of
sugar
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. As
sugar
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 is one of the most necessary flavours that
people
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 have to take in every
day
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 has the great functions of making humans happy and boosting energy. According to the same report previously referred to, it has been proved that 70% of these
products
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 are healthy for
people
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, only if they take the proper amount every
day
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.
It’s
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 clear that increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 should not be carried out to restrict
people
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’s
sugar
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intake
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 because it might hurt
people
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’s feelings and won’t change
this
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 circumstance.
This
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 won’t benefit billions of
people
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 who need to have
sugar
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intake
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 every
day
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. All in all,
people
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 should find other ways to control
sugar
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 consumption rather than
this
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 one.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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