IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phones #places
In recent years, mobile
phones
 have become the most commonly used gadgets in our daily life, which sometimes causes problems on some occasions. While some
people
 argue that it is necessary to ban the use of mobiles
phones
, I believe
people
 have the right to use
phones
 wherever they want so long as they do not disturb other
people
. It is true that some of the features of mobile
phones
 could be disturbing
in particular
 events.
People
 are usually not allowed to make phone calls or take photos at museum exhibitions, cinemas and conferences. These events require quietness and attention; disruption from ringtones or camera lights would distract the rest of
Correct article usage
the audiences
show examples
audiences
Fix the agreement mistake
audience
show examples
. In cinemas,
for example
,
people
 get distracted if someone answers the phone.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to ban
people
 from using certain functions of their
phones
 during the event and require them to keep
phones
Correct pronoun usage
their phones
show examples
 silent.
On the other hand
, it seems impossible to stop everyone from using their mobile
phones
 during the entire event.
People
 need to check their
phones
 in case there are urgent messages or calls. Some
people
 are still working while attending leisure activities, so they may need to check emails to stay connected to work. Banning
phones
 can make them feel anxious and
thus
 unable to enjoy the event.
Furthermore
, the drawbacks of using
phones
 cannot be compared with those of smoking, as the latter does harm not only to smokers themselves but
also
 to the
people
 around them. In conclusion, it is impossible to completely ban the use of mobile
phones
 but
people
 must obey the rules of using
phones
 in different places and events.
Submitted by queena9324 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: