IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the interest of maintaining local culture, governments should support projects such as local film industries in order to offer alternatives to mass produced culture, such as Hollywood. How important is it to preserve traditional cultures in the face of globalization and in what ways can it be achieved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Cultural heritage is central to protecting a sense of belonging. With increasing globalization, the government should support industries to offer alternatives to mass-produced culture as it is highly necessary to preserve traditions.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, the significance of preserving traditional arts will be discussed
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the different ways culture could be preserved. The importance of tradition and custom preservation is to encourage others to experience it.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 globalization is widespread and consuming, there are many people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
 still enjoy the customs and lifestyles of where they originated. It gives an irrefutable connection to the past – to certain social values and beliefs that
enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable

It seems that the verb enables does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 identification with others and deepen the sense of unity and pride.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, museums and ancient art exhibits showcase a wide range of these arts.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, our forefathers passed the traditions down to newer generations so that they could not be forgotten. An approach that could be taken in order to prolong cultural heritage is by documenting and studying languages.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by joining local clubs and associations tied to a specific culture. Even though
westernization
Capitalize word
Westernization

The word westernization should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
 is fast replacing
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 erasing so many ancient lifestyles, encouraging the use of indigenous rituals could
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 play a great role in transferring customs and beliefs.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a weekly meeting could be held to discuss matters and appoint leaders of
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 organizations, after which ancient music and food can be used to entertain the crowd. In conclusion, the government should make resources available for the promotion of past lifestyles and arts.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 globalization should be encouraged, restrictions should be enforced to avoid total neglect of individual origin

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task response
For task achievement, focus on directly addressing the question prompt in each paragraph and ensure all points support the main argument. Develop the introduction and conclusion further to provide a clearer framework for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the structure of the essay by organizing ideas logically within paragraphs and ensuring smooth transitions between them. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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