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Band 5

Some people believe the purpose of education is to make people useful to society. Others believe it is to prepare them to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #ambitions
The proportion of elderly people in the
population
 is rising in many countries. I think
this
 trend creates more problems than benefits for society. An
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 puts a heavy burden on the social welfare
system
. The more retired people there are in a society, the more claims are made for
state
Add an article
the state
a state
show examples
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
. The government will have to increase funds for the state pension
system
, while reducing funds for other social programmes, including financial support for low-income families, unemployment benefits and student loans. A higher proportion of elderly people in the
population
 is
also
 likely to cause
labour
 shortages resulting in lower productivity. Not only will
this
 hinder economic growth
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it will
also
 cause
labour
 costs to rise. To cover higher
labour
 costs, companies will have to raise the prices of their products and services -- a burden that will be borne by consumers. It is true that an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 may lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rising demand for healthcare workers and
therefore
 may create job opportunities in healthcare-related fields
such
 as nursing and pharmacy.
However
, compared with the negative impacts that
population
 ageing would have on economic activities in other industries, the possible growth in healthcare-related jobs would seem insignificant. In conclusion, the rising
population
 of senior citizens is a direct result of progress in health care and improvements in the standard of living, but I believe that the overall effects of
population
 ageing on the social welfare
system
, the healthcare
system
 and the economy are negative. The government should extend the retirement age to prevent
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
labour
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
. Marriage and childbearing should
also
 be encouraged.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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