IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society？

#countries #populations #units #trend #effects #society？
Nowadays, the increasing number of young
people
 who live independently or with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 members of their family has been one of the major social issues among populations in many parts of the world.
This
 essay will start
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the causes of
this
 problem and end up with my opinion.
These
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
 are several reasons why
this
 is happening. Traditionally, we used to live with all members of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 in a large house for years because it was considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
natural
Add an article
a natural
show examples
 thing.
However
, the world has been developed rapidly over the short period and it leads young folks to think another way that it is an outdated view that
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 have to unite by living together To be specific, common reasons exist why youngsters
Add a missing verb
are determine
show examples
determine
Wrong verb form
determined
show examples
 to live away from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
First
, they just want to satisfy their desires.
For instance
, it might vital considerably for someone to have their private place so that they do not be disturbed by another even though it is a member of their family.
Otherwise
, some just want to reside in a completely new place thereby living with their own ability.
In addition
, it would be not overlooked a situation for their dreams. Some decide to go abroad or
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
 regions to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their academic purposes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 entering a higher education institution or finding job
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in the
widen
Replace the word
wide
show examples
 world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because these might be unavailable for certain
people
 due to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the regions.
Although
 these situations made them separated from their families, whether they want or not, I do not think it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a negative effect.
This
 phenomenon would enhance young
people
's ability of independence and is a great deal to grow as true adults. In conclusion, it seems to me that
this
 problem can be a turning point for many
people
 rather than considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a serious problem.
Submitted by See on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: