Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the rise of streaming services and the prevalence of video games, contemporary
children
Use synonyms
spend a significant amount of
time
Use synonyms
on
screens
Use synonyms
and less
time
Use synonyms
engaging in physical activity.
Although
Linking Words
I agree that physical activity is vital, I do not think it and
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
are mutually exclusive; I
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
disagree that we need to eradicate
screens
Use synonyms
fully to keep our
children
Use synonyms
healthy. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss
this
Linking Words
issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points. On the one hand,
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
can lead to an overall decline in physical health. When
children
Use synonyms
pass hours frozen, watching a video, they harm their bodies and their minds.
For example
Linking Words
, doctors agree that
children
Use synonyms
who spend more than the average amount of
time
Use synonyms
on
screens
Use synonyms
per day without moving are more likely to be obese than
children
Use synonyms
who spend
below average
Add a hyphen
below-average
show examples
time
Use synonyms
watching
screens
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, minimizing static
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
is indeed a worthy goal.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
does not mean that the only way to do
this
Linking Words
is by getting rid of
screens
Use synonyms
. Recently, programmers have developed a variety of applications that encourage
children
Use synonyms
to move. By training them to dance, perform martial arts, or do
calisthenics
Change the spelling
callisthenics
show examples
, these
screen
Use synonyms
-based activities actually encourage movement. In fact, it has been noted that, on average, using
such
Linking Words
applications burn more calories per day than a game of kickball. Encouraging
children
Use synonyms
to use their
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
on
such
Linking Words
applications would
therefore
Linking Words
give them the best of both worlds. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
a sedentary lifestyle has clear dangers,
screen
Use synonyms
use is not necessarily an indication that
children
Use synonyms
will burden our health system; by using
screens
Use synonyms
to promote, rather than replace, physical activity, we can prevent widespread health issues due to lack of movement. To
this
Linking Words
end, parents should consider encouraging
children
Use synonyms
to use movement-based apps.
Submitted by filzaghafoorjutt111 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: