IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that history offers no practical benefit to society while others claim that history teaches us to understand the present. Discuss both views and give your own opinion .

#people #history #benefit #society
The question of whether
history
 provides an advantage to society is one
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is debated. Some
people
 claim it does as oppose to others
Correct pronoun usage
who says
show examples
says
Wrong verb form
saying
show examples
 it is a waste of time. I believe that
history
 is important and it plays a vital role for those politicians as well as in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 field. On the side of the debate are those
people
 who argue that
history
 really offers nothing for society today. They claim that, for the majority of occupations, there is not necessarily for
people
 to acknowledge the past events.
For instance
, some
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
such
 as physicians,
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 industries or even those on the infrastructure sites,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
go with their daily life without input the
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 from the past. There are other groups of
people
 who claim that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a fundamental lesson for
people
 to learn
history
. As
history
 can teach us about the mistakes in the past and big sacrifices in the war.
Hence
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 about the events in the past will
educated
Change the verb form
educate
show examples
 them from avoiding
history
 repeating itself.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 many great inventions were designed as the wheel which was invented
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
. From my perspective, I will stand for the opinion that
people
 should be taught about the
history
,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 children will
memorized
Wrong verb form
memorise
show examples
 the past and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 grateful
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the world they have nowadays. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
politicians, will
learned
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 the way in managing the citizens with kindness and not
repeated
Change the form of the verb
repeat
show examples
 the wrong implementations from the past,
such
 as the time when countries
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
all invented nuclear weapons to protect their nations. It brings a terrifying drawback to the trust between countries and the organizations of the world.
Submitted by 96quintin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: