IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that history offers no practical benefit to society while others claim that history teaches us to understand the present. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #benefit #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The question of whether
history
Use synonyms
 provides
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 advantage to society is one
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is debated. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim it does as oppose to others
says
Wrong verb form
saying
show examples
 it is a waste of time. I believe that
history
Use synonyms
 is important and it plays a vital role for those politicians as well as in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 field. On the side of the debate are those
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that
history
Use synonyms
 really offers nothing for society today. They claim that, for the majority of occupations, there is not necessarily for
people
Use synonyms
 to acknowledge the past events.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as physicians,
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 industries or even those on the infrastructure sites,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
go with their daily life without input the
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 from the past. There are other groups of
people
Use synonyms
 who claim that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a fundamental lesson for
people
Use synonyms
 to learn
history
Use synonyms
. As
history
Use synonyms
 can teach us about the mistakes in the past and big sacrifices in the war.
Hence
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 about the events in the past will
educated
Change the verb form
educate
show examples
 them from avoiding
history
Use synonyms
 repeating itself.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 many great inventions were designed as the wheel which was invented
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
. From my perspective, I will stand for the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 should be taught about the
history
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 children will
memorized
Wrong verb form
memorise
show examples
 the past and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 grateful
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the world they have nowadays. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
politicians, will
learned
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 the way in managing the citizens with kindness and not
repeated
Change the form of the verb
repeat
show examples
 the wrong implementations from the past,
such
Linking Words
 as the time when countries
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
all invented nuclear weapons to protect their nations. It brings a
terrified
Replace the word
terrifying
show examples
 drawback
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the trust between countries and the organizations of the world. In conclusion, both positions have their pros and cons. In order to have a sustainable world for our
next
Linking Words
 generations, we had better
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
keep teaching historical events to our younger generation.
Submitted by 96quintin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: