IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

. Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #children #phones
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Caring
of
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for
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 our children is one of the most important
task
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tasks
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 in our lives.
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Nothing
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No thing
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Nothing
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 is more important than them, but , the way of taking care and what is the best
to
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for
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 them.It
still
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is still
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 controversial
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whether
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wether
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whether
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using
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to use
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technonlgy
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technology
 to treat them or keep them away
of
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from
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 it. In my view , I believe that using technology like mobile phones seems to be mandatory.
Next
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 paragraphs we will discuss
these
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apply
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both ideas.
First
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 , for some
parents
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,parents
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 they try their best to avoid
givivng
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giving
 their kids mobile phones because they
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afraid
affraid
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are affraid
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 it may affect
bad
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badly
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 on them. They may be loos concentrate and
beng
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being
 distract.
On the other hand
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, other
parenets
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parents
 believe that giving mobiles
for
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to
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 their children is
good
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a good
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 idea because
the
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they
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 can not
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be
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ba
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be
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 against the technology wind !! . In fact I find
my self
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myself
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 so close to
this
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 idea . For instance , children could have mobiles but ,
still
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are still
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under
Add a missing verb
be under
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 supervision. So , they take the benefits
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without
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with out
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without
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 any side
affect
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effect
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. In conclusion , there are
alot
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a lot
 of studies
regrding
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regarding
 to using technology as a part of
new
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a new
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 education system. Most of them assuring the using mobile phones
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
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for example
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 become more essential than before and could help kids to improve their
abilitis
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abilities
 and showing their talents.
Submitted by saadcanberra on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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