IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

. Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #children #phones
Caring
of
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for
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 our children is one of the most important
task
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tasks
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 in our lives.
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Nothing
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No thing
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Nothing
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 is more important than them, but , the way of taking care and what is the best
to
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for
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 them.It
still
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is still
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 controversial
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whether
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wether
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whether
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using
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to use
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technonlgy
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technology
 to treat them or keep them away
of
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from
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 it. In my view , I believe that using technology like mobile phones seems to be mandatory.
Next
 paragraphs we will discuss
these
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apply
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both ideas.
First
 , for some
parents
Add a comma
,parents
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 they try their best to avoid
givivng
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giving
 their kids mobile phones because they
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afraid
affraid
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are affraid
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 it may affect
bad
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badly
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 on them. They may be loos concentrate and
beng
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being
 distract.
On the other hand
, other
parenets
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parents
 believe that giving mobiles
for
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to
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 their children is
good
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a good
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 idea because
the
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they
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 can not
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be
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ba
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be
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 against the technology wind !! . In fact I find
my self
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myself
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 so close to
this
 idea . For instance , children could have mobiles but ,
still
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are still
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under
Add a missing verb
be under
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 supervision. So , they take the benefits
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without
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with out
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without
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 any side
affect
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effect
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. In conclusion , there are
alot
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a lot
 of studies
regrding
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regarding
 to using technology as a part of
new
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a new
show examples
 education system. Most of them assuring the using mobile phones
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
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for example
 become more essential than before and could help kids to improve their
abilitis
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abilities
 and showing their talents.
Submitted by saadcanberra on

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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