Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Celebrities these days are mostly known for their glamour and prosperities in comparison to their acquirements and

this

can be considered to be negatively exemplary for younger generations.

This

essay will agree with the given idea of misguiding young

people

since it can convey false hopes to teenagers and increasingly enable the

celebrities’

Change noun form

celebrities

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industry with spoiled influencers.

To begin

with, endorsing charm and wealth rather than achievements allows

people

to misinterpret the actual way to become a

celebrity

This

means that

people

with decent

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

and attractive

physique

Fix the agreement mistake

physiques

show examples

can effortlessly be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

famous

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

consequently

making other individuals

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

think that they may never become a

celebrity

without those

supports

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support

show examples

On the other hand

, teenagers with their original assets are likely to assume being a public figure will not take a considerable effort.

This

will definitely make them desperate when they encounter

the

Correct article usage

show examples

real situation in life. Another reason could be the establishment of fake societies of celebrities. When adolescents are tempted to become a

celebrity

in a way that neglects hard work and advocates outer contributions and if they somehow become

such

people

this

will potentially impact the overall authenticity of

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

industries

Fix the agreement mistake

industry

show examples

Hence

, they may promote

further

inauthentic societies of famous

people

by broadcasting movies that emphasize attractiveness and wealth.

Additionally

, research shows that

people

tend to imitate what they see, ultimately contributing to

encourage

Change the verb form

encouraging

show examples

more corrupted influencers. In conclusion,

although

glamour and wealth are arguably the assets of a

celebrity

, I do not agree that they are choosing them over achievements as it can make young

people

misunderstand and form a superficial community of influencers.

Therefore

, it is recommended that they balance the essential ethical codes of a typical

celebrity

Submitted by Lily on Sat Apr 16 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

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