IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way.
Why is this? 
Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #products #development
In the contemporary world, advertising has been playing a vital role in
people
’s lives.
Furthermore
, advertisers regarded their old products as new ones so as to maintain their
sales
. From my point of view,
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 has both drawbacks and merits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 businesses and customers. On the one hand, not only
brands
Add a missing verb
do brands
show examples
 have an impact on society, but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aids
people
 to acquire some goods that they always wanted.Even though it benefits
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in order to make
sales
 ,why
Add a missing verb
do business
show examples
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 can decide some inappropriate trade attitudes, which are emphasized their
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
show examples
 as a modern
ones
Correct the article-noun agreement
one
show examples
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 customers.It can
be explain
Change the verb form
be explained
show examples
 that businesses do not demand to be exhausted so as to create a new commodity for
sales
, thereby, they choose the easy one that should not be accepted as an accurate
sales
.
However
, unfortunately,they are not aware of
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 which creates some probable harmful issues
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
’s lives.
Thus
, if
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 continue to offer
a bad trade options
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad trade options
a bad trade option
show examples
 to their customers, they will be damaged.
On the other hand
, as far as society considered, they are essential to improve marketing.Since if
people
 want to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live in a developed country, they ought to help commerce to be a part
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 powerful countries.
Hence
 they should purchase new goods from
a well-known brands
Correct the article-noun agreement
well-known brands
a well-known brand
show examples
.
However
 ,marketing reaches a consensus on not creating new ones.If
people
 complain about
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and maintain their shopping, they will
be approach
Change the verb form
be approaching
show examples
 their demand that being
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economical powerful country. Taking everything into account, showing some commodity
viewed
Add a missing verb
are viewed
show examples
 as a not different
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
 one is depend on the situation
people
 creates.From my perspective, it has both advantages and disadvantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 as well as businesses.
Nevertheless
, they should know how best to utilize
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 issues they have.
Submitted by cemilenil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: