Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #tv #home #school

It is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that

children

should be encouraged to watch

since it increases the efficiency of learning in contemporary society. Regarding

this

, I strongly agree with

this

assertion as it is beneficial for family and

children

's future.

To begin

with, a family

watch

Replace the word

watching

show examples

together

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

close nit. In the modern era, a significant number of people suffer from

hectic

Add an article

a hectic

the hectic

show examples

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

, and

therefore

they do not have enough time to share with their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

. Not only can kids who watch

programmes with

grandparents

learn about each

othere

Correct your spelling

other

, but they may

also

decrease the generation gap between

children

and

grandparents

, thereby leading to strong bonding in a family.

For example

, a survey conducted Korea Educational Foundation has revealed that students who have enjoyed watching

with

grandparents

tend to understand more elderly people than other peers. As the example clearly illustrates, watching

with family is an efficient means of learning about the

understanfding

Correct your spelling

understanding

of other generations.

Moreover

, when

children

expose

Change the form of the verb

exposed

show examples

channels, they can gain various information indirectly since there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

diversity of content

such

as news, documentaries, and movies on

brodcasting

Correct your spelling

broadcasting

. In

this

regard, kids can expand

the

Change the word

their

show examples

horizon of the world, leading to becoming more flexible and mature.

For instance

, recent media in Korea reports that the maturity rate among

children

who have watched

programmes

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

higher

Correct word choice

than

show examples

that

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

that who have not.

Therefore

, it is reasonable to point out that parents or teachers should motivate

children

to watch

. In conclusion, thanks to the development of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern

children

can learn how to understand their

grandparents

and become knowledgeable.

Hence

, watching

should be supported by adults in households and schools.

Submitted by hiasince38 on Sun Apr 17 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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