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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, there will be higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development
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Thanks to the state of the art technology in medicines,
Correct word choice
and anti-aging
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anti-aging
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anti-ageing
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 therapies, people are being expected to have a longer life expectancy,
give
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giving
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 a rise to
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the aging
an aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population in certain nations as well. From my own perspective, I utterly believe
this
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 phenomenon is undesirable. The
first
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 and foremost worry is the adverse impact of the decreasing proportion of competent labour force. As many senior citizens have reached retirement age while fewer young workers are pumped into
labour
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the labour
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 market,
constructions
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construction
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,
manufacturing
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and manufacturing
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 might cause
the
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a
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 shortage of workers for physically demanding tasks.
Furthermore
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, not only physical tasks but
also
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 mental
ones
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apply
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elderly can perform less effective than youngsters. In
details
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detail
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, elder staff has a tendency to make their decisions and judgments upon their long-accumulated experience, which can be conservative and lack innovation as well. With inventions of cutting-edge technology,
economy
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the economy
an economy
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 can be boosted stably and greatly,
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otherwise
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,otherwise
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 those nations can lag behind others. The more serious worry is the financial burden prompted by the growing cost
for
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of
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 social welfare but less fortune is created. The higher rate of elder people, the greater cost of pension the government has to pay for them, which pays tax on
younger
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the younger
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 labour force.
Consequently
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, younger workers have to work more hours to make more value which can lead to
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a diminishing
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diminishing
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diminish
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 in their performance and quality of products.
Besides
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 that, as
investment
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an investment
the investment
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 of
government
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the government
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 in
healthcare
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the healthcare
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 system and social welfare will make
younger
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the younger
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 generation face the pressure of working harder to feed thousands of useless people. To conclude, not only
do nations
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donations
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have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 an
aging
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ageing
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 population experience many downsides, but
also
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 they can lag behind
younger
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the younger
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population’s
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populations
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 ones.
Submitted by hoangnguyenquocbao on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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