In the future, there will be higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it positive or negative development?

Thanks to the state of the art technology in medicines,
Correct word choice
and anti-aging
show examples
anti-aging
Change the spelling
anti-ageing
show examples
therapies, people are being expected to have a longer life expectancy,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
a rise to
Add an article
the aging
an aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population in certain nations as well. From my own perspective, I utterly believe
this
phenomenon is undesirable. The
first
and foremost worry is the adverse impact of the decreasing proportion of competent labour force. As many senior citizens have reached retirement age while fewer young workers are pumped into
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
market,
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
,
manufacturing
Correct word choice
and manufacturing
show examples
might cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
shortage of workers for physically demanding tasks.
Furthermore
, not only physical tasks but
also
mental
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
elderly can perform less effective than youngsters. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, elder staff has a tendency to make their decisions and judgments upon their long-accumulated experience, which can be conservative and lack innovation as well. With inventions of cutting-edge technology,
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
can be boosted stably and greatly,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
those nations can lag behind others. The more serious worry is the financial burden prompted by the growing cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
social welfare but less fortune is created. The higher rate of elder people, the greater cost of pension the government has to pay for them, which pays tax on
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
labour force.
Consequently
, younger workers have to work more hours to make more value which can lead to
Correct article usage
a diminishing
show examples
diminishing
Wrong verb form
diminish
show examples
in their performance and quality of products.
Besides
that, as
investment
Add an article
an investment
the investment
show examples
of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system and social welfare will make
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation face the pressure of working harder to feed thousands of useless people. To conclude, not only
do nations
Correct your spelling
donations
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population experience many downsides, but
also
they can lag behind
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
population’s
Change noun form
populations
show examples
ones.
Submitted by hoangnguyenquocbao on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: