Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
think that
government
should not provide monetary benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly citizens because it is the duty of every citizen to be ready for
retirement
and
support
themselves. Be that as it may, my opinion stands opposed to
this
idea because neglecting aged
people
in any way is downright unhumanitarian.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
true that every person must take steps years in advance in order to secure their future after
retirement
rather than expecting the
government
to take
care
of their expenses.
For instance
, a working individual can always opt for a suitable pension scheme and save a part of their monthly income towards their pension account which can be withdrawn with interest only when they are retired.
Therefore
, these actions when initiated well in advance yield great benefits in terms of financial security for an elderly
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
without relying on
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to cover their expenses.
Nevertheless
, it is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion that the
government
should act humanely
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
elderly
people
who cannot
support
themselves. Some
people
are unable to plan for
retirement
due to their existing circumstances.
For example
, there are many
under-privileged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
show examples
people
who are financially incapable due to less income and
therefore
rely on
government
institutions to provide
care
and financial
support
when they are aged.
Therefore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
must provide free
care
and
support
to those elderly folks
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
need it the most for they are
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of the country and should not be neglected whatsoever. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should provide
care
and monetary
support
to those elderly
people
who deserve the most rather than spending on those who are capable of taking
care
of themselves
post
Add a hyphen
post-retirement
show examples
retirement
.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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