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Band 2.5

some people believe that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children. Others say that they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

#people #competition #children
Two charts
given
Add the auxiliary verb
gave
show examples
 the electronic
appliances
ownership
 and amount of
housework
 working
hours
 each week per the family in one country from 1920 to 2019. The
percentage
 of electronic
appliances
ownership
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significant
Replace the word
significantly
show examples
 increased while working
hours
 for
housework
 per week in each household were extremely decreased. Look at the
first
 chart, washing machine
ownership
 rose from 1920 to 1960
however
, it slightly dropped in 1980 before comeback with
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
percentage
 in 2000 and continued rising until 2019. There was
constant
Add an article
a constant
the constant
show examples
 high
percentage
 of Vacuum cleaner consumption
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 to 1980, after that, it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 and was stable
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2019. Refrigerator buying was extremely increased compared to another two
appliances
. It hit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 risen in 1940, continued increasing and stayed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top since 1980.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 to the
second
 chart, the total
hours
 of
housework
 each week per household was keep decreasing. The highest
percentage
 was in 1920 at fifty
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
,
then
, it was down to thirty
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
percents
Correct your spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1940 and still decreased to 2019 which was the lowest
percentage
 of the year, different from 1920 for four times. In conclusion, the overall
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electronic
appliances
ownership
percentage
 was obviously increased. The highest increased
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 was
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in refrigerator consumption followed up by vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
. While
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 amount of
housework
 working
hours
 was continued
decreased
Change the verb form
to decrease
show examples
 from 1920 to 2019.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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