IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. While other think it is a waste of money. What's your opinion on this?

#people #clothes #waste #money
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It is argued that some
people
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 prefer to follow
fashion
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, while others say it is a way of inappropriate spending of
money
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. In my opinion, it is unwise for
people
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 to spend
money
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 to wear fashionable clothes
instead
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 they should prioritize their basic needs,
such
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 as
health
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 and
education
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. The following paragraphs will illustrate the merits of my position.
Firstly
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, spending on
health
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 is one of the most important things that the public should be aware of.
This
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 means that the public should prioritize their
health
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 over buying new clothes. If
people
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 did not spend their
money
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 on their
health
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, they would not be able to work, and
as a result
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, their productivity would decrease.
Moreover
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, they may be at risk of losing their lives if they ignore treating themselves.
For example
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, a recent research paper at Cairo university showed that many middle-class
people
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 who spend
money
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 on
fashion
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 suffer from medical illnesses
such
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 as malnutrition.
Secondly
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, spending on
education
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 is much more important than spending on
fashion
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.
This
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 means that
people
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 should be concerned more about their siblings’
education
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 than the following
fashion
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. If parents spend more
money
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 on
education
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, their children will get high scores and
as a result
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, they can achieve their goals in future.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the sociology department, at Queens University showed that most successful students did not wear fashionable clothes when they were young. In conclusion, I believe that spending on
health
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 and
education
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 is much more important than spending on
fashion
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. Healthy and well-educated future generations will benefit themselves and
accordingly
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 their community.
Submitted by Toni R on

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