IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays children's obesity is getting one of the major concerns due to
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
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 number of problems related to health ,as well as health care expenses
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 may occur as they grow up .There are a wide variety of causes which can be considered as the source of
this
Linking Words
 issue.Following some of the reasons ,and
also
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 solutions will be discussed.
Firstly
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, technological devices have led
into
Change preposition
to
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 immobility which is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 gaining weight.
For instance
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,they lie on the sofa for long hours to play games ,chat with their friends on social media and watch films.What's more, they lose their motivation to do exercise or have physical activities
such
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 as going to the gym or sports clubs.
In addition
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, watching tons of advertisements
of
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for
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 fast food might persuade them to consume a lot of them like pizzas and hamburgers which are unhealthy ,
also
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 fattening.
For example
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,the U.S has
Change the article
an
the
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enormous number of kids suffering from
overweighting
Replace the word
overweight
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 consider a large amount of budget to solve the problem. One of the
mos
Correct your spelling
most
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 important factors to solve the problem is families which play a crucial role to fix the concern.
For example
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,parents can spend more time
on
Change preposition
with
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 their children by talking to them ,
also
Linking Words
 enrolling at the gym or taking a walk together in their free time or at the weekends .Mothers can be more patient to devote more time to cooking
home-made
Correct your spelling
homemade
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 food to encourage them not to apply junk food. To conclude,society and families are the essential parts to
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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 the disaster happening these days,which can rescue young
generations
Change noun form
generations'
generation's
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 lives and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
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budget
Correct article usage
the budget
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 of the nations.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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