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Band 4

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts
There are many citizens
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 consider that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should not be spending capital
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
arts
, due to the waste of money that represents,
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 suggest
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 it for other purposes. Whereas people consider
this
 position, I strongly disagree with the statement because of the
inmense
Correct your spelling
immense
 importance of
arts
 in
humans
Add an article
a humans
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 life and the connection we can
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 between them and the
improving
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 of mental health. The
arts
 are
foundamental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 for
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 being life since the moment our evolution started. As an example, rupester art is just one case of the necessity of cohesion with the environment throughout our history, as well as
It
Add the comma(s)
,It
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 is a solution for founding a tantamount through the reality and our imagination.
Arts
 are a need for our existence and the combination of each of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the baseline of our culture. If
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
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 decides
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
 the money for different purposes, it would be a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our existence.
In addition
 to
this
, as a consequence of our economical and rational system, which excludes and
overlap
Correct subject-verb agreement
overlaps
show examples
 the thoughts over the emotions, people are losing the connections with mental health. Investing in the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 infrastructure or technology
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is relevant for the global growth,
nevertheless
, humans are the structure for it and wealing for the common well-being is more indispensable so far. Reviewing people's opinion of that
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 could use our taxes for other reasons than
arts
, I firmly disagree with it and from my perspective, I would recommend using
arts
 as a tool for country's development.
Submitted by tatianaonzaga on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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