IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise .what do you think are the causes of this ? what solutions are there to this problem ?

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Some doctors have alleged that humans' physical activities are not adequate ,nowadays.
However
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,in my point of view,some radices can be considered regarding
this
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 issue,which is uttered in the essay.As well,some remedial ideas are explained to iron out
this
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 phenomenon. One of the most highlighted reasons has to do with the sedentary lifestyle that has been bestowed
to
Change preposition
on
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 folks by the development of technology.To enlighten,not only
the
Add a missing verb
do the
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 majority of the occupations just require to gaze at monitors but people's routines are as well done by the internet needless to even visiting various offices,
while
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 used to most of the vocations have been body demanding.As a vivid case,spending the monthly payments on the internet can be a piece of evidence for
this
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 right.
Furthermore
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,neither enough energy nor satisfying time
is remained
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remains
has remained
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 for individuals to allocate to working out.Namely,multitudes of people are working from down to dusk in two shifts to meet their financial drawbacks,
hence
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,there is no juice for exercising.
On the other hand
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,not an insurmountable issue,various steps can be taken by both authorities and ordinary members of society.
Firstly
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,enhancing the knowledge of folks can play a critical role in
this
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 realm,which could be done by employing either:
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 or the radio.To illustrate,humans will be absorbed in exercising if
be
Verb problem
they are
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 aware of the positive footprints that would be attained via that.
For instance
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,balancing the level of divergent hormones.
Moreover
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,some infrastructures should be provided by governments to encourage the population to burn their calories.
For example
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,facilitating parks in residential areas has emerged to be impressive in some vicinities for attracting the residents to the sport.
To conclude
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,to me,individuals would be appealed to working out if the obstacles on their routes vanish,
such
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 as financial shortcomings or increasing their related information,which should be tackled by the participation of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 by enhancing their salaries or preparing free of charge amenities for exercising.
Nevertheless
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,
due to
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 doctors' claims,folks should have more physical activities.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The ideas are not presented in a clear and organized manner. Work on the arrangement of ideas within paragraphs and the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. The introduction should introduce the topic and the main points of the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the main ideas and provide a final thought.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well supported with relevant examples and explanations. Each main point should be developed and illustrated thoroughly to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The response provides a partial answer to the question, addressing some of the causes and solutions related to the lack of physical exercise. However, the ideas are not well expanded and lack depth. Try to develop the ideas more thoroughly and provide a more comprehensive response to the question.
task achievement
The essay presents some relevant ideas but they lack clarity and coherence. Work on expressing the ideas in a clear and organized manner to ensure the reader can follow the points presented.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support the main ideas. Providing concrete and detailed examples can strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • digital entertainment
  • urbanization
  • green spaces
  • pedestrian areas
  • time constraints
  • lack of awareness
  • active transportation
  • infrastructure
  • workplace wellness programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • incentivizing
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