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Band 4

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #countries #pleasure #believe #impact
Today, people tend to go
for
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on
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 a vacation to other countries for their satisfaction. It is believed by people that
journey
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journeys
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for
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to
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 other countries
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effects
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 negatively on these areas. Despite
this
 fact, I suppose that
tourism
 has more benefits to the
country
 than its drawbacks due to its beneficial impact
to
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on
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 the
economic
Replace the word
economy
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to
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of
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 the
country
 and
advantageous
Correct pronoun usage
its advantageous
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 effect
to
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on
show examples
 the mindset of
country’s
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the country’s
show examples
 citizens.
Firstly
,
sphere
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the sphere
a sphere
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 of
tourism
 develops the economical state of the area. If there is an increase in the flow of tourists, there will be opened new
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workplaces
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work places
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workplaces
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, which enhances the economic condition of an area. Not only does
tourism
opens
Wrong verb form
open
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 new
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workplaces
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work places
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workplaces
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, but
also
tourism
 evolves the infrastructure of a region. Creating hotels, restaurants and travel agencies is profitable, as it will increase the taxes for the government, which plays a key role in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 economy of the
country
.
Moreover
,
tourist
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tourists
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 tend to spend money in the
country
 that they travelled
, which
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to, which
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 means that money will come from other places to
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the travelled
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travelled
Wrong verb form
travel
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 area.
Hence
, there will be more income
to
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in
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 the budget of a
country
.
Secondly
,
arrival
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the arrival
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 of tourists increases the awareness of citizens about other nations,
cultures
Correct word choice
and cultures
show examples
 and formulate tolerance in their
mind
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minds
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. Taking representatives of other
culture
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cultures
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 and
race
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races
show examples
 respectively is
essential
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an essential
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 quality, which helps to bridge new relationships.
Moreover
, it shows how adequate and sensible the person is.
In addition
,
coming
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the coming
show examples
 of
travelers
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travellers
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 stimulate the hospitability and friendship qualities of
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 inhabitants. People, by meeting and seeing new tourists, will be more kind and grateful for them.
Finally
,
travelers
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travellers
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develops
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develop
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 the economic condition of the
country
 that they
travelled
Wrong verb form
travel
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 to and form new good personal qualities in citizens of their travelled region. In my opinion, the government of each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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 should pay more attention to the evolution of the sphere of
tourism
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchanges
  • Global connections
  • Tourism boosts
  • Local economy
  • Over-tourism
  • Environmental degradation
  • Landmarks
  • Commodification of culture
  • Authentic cultural expressions
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Tourism infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Disrespect local customs
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