IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that authorities must put restrictions on adolescents using mobile
phoes
Correct your spelling
phones
in
Change preposition
on
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 the school premises.I completely endorse
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because cell phones may cause distraction and violence among school children. Primarily, allowing the use of mobiles can cause distraction from studies.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 juveniles are so addicted to their mobiles that they want to leave
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 till strict prohibition.If they would be allowed to use it
in
Change preposition
during
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 study hours, they can be unfocused and skip some important lectures and classes as some subjects like mathematics and science need undisturbed attention to master them.
Also
Linking Words
,
continues
Replace the word
continuous
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 notifications from different applications pop up on the screen and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 it difficult to pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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 the study so better not to permit their use.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mobile sets can be a status symbol for
students
Use synonyms
 and can cause an unhealthy competition to have the latest one. Undoubtedly, teenagers imitate each other without analysing their financial status. They may easily be
Correct your spelling
affected
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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 by their elite friend circle and can demand an expensive handset from their parents. Eventually, it would create problems between parents and children when their demands are ignored.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some poor
students
Use synonyms
 can face peer pressure and bullying if they cannot compete with other
students
Use synonyms
 for having
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 cells making schools
a violent places
Correct the article-noun agreement
violent places
a violent place
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. After considering some important points, it can be said that mobile phones permission at schools can have detrimental effects on both
students
Use synonyms
 and their guardians
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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 the long run ,
therefore
Linking Words
, it must be considered insignificant.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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