IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A number of people advocate that unpaid community services should be a part of secondary schools. Indeed, to my mind, there is
now
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 convincing evidence that the schools are the best teachers of life. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 essay`s statement
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 extent.
First
Linking Words
 of all, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 life of every
person
Add a comma
,person
show examples
 a very important is a raising. Every human is
obligate
Replace the word
obliged
show examples
 to socialize
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society. He cannot do
this
Linking Words
 on his own.
Therefore
Linking Words
, helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him his parents, friends and relatives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
different government establishment, one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the schools. During our
school
Use synonyms
 years, we participated in charity and spiritual and moral education programs. Which educates
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each pupil
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 desire for a good, healthy lifestyle, respect and love for the surrounding nature, Motherland,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
. Another reason is that a person goes to
school
Use synonyms
 at a young age. Usually on 7 age. In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 years the children know nothing
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 world. According to my own experience, at the high
school
Use synonyms
, we were involved in
road
Use synonyms
 duty near the
school
Use synonyms
 on the pedestrian sign. To get interested in the process, we were given special cards of a traffic police officer, and a traffic controller's baton. When a
school
Use synonyms
 pupil was going to cross the
road
Use synonyms
, we used a baton to stop cars.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the drivers stopped with an approving smile.
This
Linking Words
 educational program focused on the rules of the
road
Use synonyms
 has given a very solid installation that it is necessary to cross the
road
Use synonyms
 in the places prescribed by law. What I follow to
this
Linking Words
 day. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
community services should be part of high
school
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 periods the teachers become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for pupils.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the teachers must teach not only
school
Use synonyms
 subjects
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
 how to live and
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
humanity
Replace the word
human
show examples
 at all.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: