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Band 4.5

Workers often retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working as long as they want. What is your opinion on this?

#workers #age #people
There are split
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about the
job
 of employees regards to
age
. Some individuals opine that employees ought to
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their
work
 as they
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 senior citizens whereas others think that they can
work
 as long as they want to continue. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my opinion below. To embark, the former view
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that elder people should retire. The leading reason is to decrease the unemployment rate.
This
 means, owing to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population nowadays it would be very difficult to find an appropriate
job
. It has been observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain
age
 the efficiency of
work
 is
decline
Fix the agreement mistake
declines
show examples
thus
,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation may not able to concentrate
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the task
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goals.
Therefore
, the youngsters should
given
Change the verb form
give
be given
show examples
 the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to replace the
job
 positions. For an instance, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Ahmedabad, governing bodies set the
fix
Change the verb form
fixed
show examples
age
 of retirement which can create plenty of opportunities for youth
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
However
, in the latter
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 others believe that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 can
work
 as long as they want to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it may have positive impacts
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the work-place
show examples
work-place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. To elaborate
this
, owing to the immense experience and skills
thay
Correct your spelling
that
they
 can guide others
junior
Add the comma(s)
,junior
show examples
 workers.
Also
, they may contribute more
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the growth of companies. To
site
Correct your spelling
cite
show examples
 an example, the Intex,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
based multinational firm allowed
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 staff to
work
 as many years they want
consequently
, the overall performance of the industry increased significantly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year according to the BBC news report. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that people
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 leave their
job
 after they will go
above
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
age
 of sixty because it will help to ameliorate the issue of unemployment which can not be overlooked. In conclusion, notwithstanding working with considering the
age
 can help to remedy the situation of joblessness, without
age
 limit they can
work
 more which
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the company.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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