Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career while others believe that it’s better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There is a ubiquitous societal belief that in order for individuals to achieve
success
in life, they must obtain a degree in higher education
. This
has enticed a heated debate amongst people, where some withhold this
stereotype, while
others argue that success
is solely dependent on the individual's ambition
and determination to excel. This
essay assesses both
viewpoints and explains why I stand at a cross-section when it comes to this
topic.
On the one hand, the majority of people associate success
with education
, as they assume that a college degree is required for success
. This
is due to
the fact that university curriculums provide the attendees with knowledge about the work field, as well as
, focus on providing training to the students to assist them in developing personal and professional skills that are essential for working. For instance
, medical students gain knowledge about various illnesses and treatment plans through
studying how different body systems operate. Change preposition
by
In addition
, they are trained to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills that will aid them in making a diagnosis. This
shows that a college qualification is crucial to get and excel at certain professions.
On the other hand
, many people are firm believers that achieving success
is related to the person's ambition
, commitment, and intelligence. An epitome that depicts this
is the renowned Apple founder, Steve Jobs, who was a high school dropout. Although
Jobs didn't pursue higher education
, he made a remarkable achievement in the technology field, as his company's products are one of the most popular across the globe. This
signifies that a driven person can achieve success
regardless of their educational background.
I personally believe that both
ambition
and qualification are equally important, and a combination of both
can enable individuals to shine and accomplish their goals.
In conclusion, while
some suppose that a college degree is key to success
, others think that it is a reflection of the individual's ambition
. I advocate to strike
a balance between Change the verb form
striking
both
viewpoints by appreciating the value of higher education
when supported with ambition
.Submitted by nareesakbar on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining your paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas. For example, using transition phrases such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' or 'additionally,' can help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
While the essay generally provides clear ideas and relevant examples, for a band 9 score, you might include even more specific examples or statistical data that can provide stronger support to your arguments. This depth could make your points even more convincing.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced view of both sides of the argument, making it comprehensive and well-structured. Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the essay.
task achievement
Main points are clearly supported with relevant examples, like the mention of Steve Jobs, which adds credibility to your argument and makes it more engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and organization are strong, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point, which enhances readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.