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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to live in an extended family where a number of different generations live together. Others prefer to live in a small, nuclear family. List some of the advantages and disadvantages of living in a large, extended family.

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Living in an extended family where various generations live together
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 preferred
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think
nuclear
Add an article
a nuclear
show examples
 family with only partners and children is better. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine what are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a large extended family. To live with different ages together in a house has several benefits. The elderly would have young
people
Use synonyms
 taking care of them because the old might have some difficulties doing their own everyday life routine. The
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 having
Add an article
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with walking may need strong youngsters to
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 for moving
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 place to another,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Likewise
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, adult couples with children are likely to rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 their babies. Couples in Thailand who have retired old
grandmother
Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
show examples
 at home are a good example of
this
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. The reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 the price of hiring a nanny is expensive for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, small nuclear
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with only partners and children are preferred
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 for many negative aspects of extended family. Too many
people
Use synonyms
 living together might bring about possible disturbance from one another
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may lead to some arguments or
fight
Correct subject-verb agreement
fights
show examples
.
Due to
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 the difference in age, teenagers and adults or old
people
Use synonyms
 could have different ways of thinking.
For example
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, Teenagers listening to loud music would disturb the old who want to live in
quiet
Add an article
a quiet
show examples
 and peaceful environment. The consequences are
finally
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 moving out and living with only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, living in an extended family has a number of advantages,
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whereas
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
 negative perspectives. In my personal opinion, I think it depends on the way
people
Use synonyms
 choose to live their lives because
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own benefits and drawbacks.

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, consider providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and thorough.
coherence cohesion
Strive for greater coherence and cohesion by ensuring that all your paragraphs are well-developed and connected with appropriate transitional phrases. This will help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which clearly present the topic and summarize the main points.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of living in an extended family, showing a balanced approach.
task achievement
You utilize relevant examples to back up your points, which helps in illustrating your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • support system
  • cultural traditions
  • financial support
  • economical
  • emotional support
  • companionship
  • isolation
  • privacy
  • conflicts
  • disagreements
  • responsibilities
  • obligations
  • burdensome
  • decision-making
  • diverse role models
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