IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People have different options regarding the public
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. It is argued that today the population live
more long
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 than past.
Hence
Linking Words
, Old generations could on going their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine cases of
this
Linking Words
 action and the forthcoming paragraphs
discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 both the agreement and the disagreement sides. On the one hand, the basic advantage is that youngsters
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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 learn lots of work from the old
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In other words
Linking Words
, seniors have more experience and in turn, they should be tutors in the workplace for new ones.
Additionally
Linking Words
, old workers are more beneficial for the company because they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 what to do if the firm
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
 some
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of difficulties.
Also
Linking Words
, they are more convenient for their co-workers because old nations more adapted their
colleague's
Change noun form
colleagues'
show examples
 characters
that's
Correct your spelling
that is
show examples
 why it
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
 to work with them who have worked
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 years
Change preposition
in
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only one workplace.
For example
Linking Words
,the community who lived in my home country may
be worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 after their retirement if they want, especially educational sphere.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the main disadvantage is that old people do not have enough skills
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to use modern devices. To put it another way, presently the population live in a modern and
technological advance
Replace the word
technologically advanced
show examples
 world.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generation will face some sorts of problems like computer skills and maybe
languages
Change the noun form
language
show examples
 barriers.Because, the nowadays large team requires lots of skills
such
Linking Words
 as the ability of communication, IT programmes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, factories receive more young public than elderly ones.Because
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation is more adaptable , more useful and more beneficial when the team have to suddenly decision making.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the Newyork percentage of young workers make
a
Change preposition
up a
show examples
significant portion and becomes approximately 90% in the US. In conclusion, I support both sides of
this
Linking Words
 statement and I think old people are more important for the company as a role of tutors but the Young generation
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 key features on developing
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clarity and coherence. Focus on organizing your ideas in a logical manner and use linking words to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay shows some relevant points but lacks a clear and complete response to the task. Ensure that you address the question fully and provide clear and comprehensive ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • workforce
  • mentorship
  • mental and physical health
  • community engagement
  • rapidly changing work environments
  • economic stability
  • age discrimination
  • workplace adjustments
  • financial strain
  • pension systems
  • diversifying
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • retirement norms
  • flexible working hours
  • part-time positions
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