Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think that they should be en couraged to do some other useful activities?

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Nowadays young adults prefer to go shopping as being a favourite hobby. I would argue that reasons for the popularity of shopping as a leisure time and express the importance of urging to do some other beneficial hobbies. On the one hand, there are many reasons for a shopping spree.

Firstly

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, advertising on TV and in magazines tempts

people

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to buy products and luxury items they do not need. Nowadays, teenagers mostly spent their free time in shopping malls. They generally waste their spare time with their circle of friends.

Thus

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, peer pressure forces inexperienced

people

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to keep up with the latest trends.

Moreover

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, young adults can be affected due to the atmosphere and background music in shops. One clear example is singer Katy Perry was addicted to shopping and has vowed to change her attitude towards fashion, clothing and shopping to make a better future for her daughter.

Moreover

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, has vowed to quit her shopping addiction in an effort to lead by example to be more responsible for all life on earth.

Secondly

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, some

people

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find shopping therapeutic because it can take their minds off their problems.

Consequently

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, the brain secretes more dopamine substances which makes

people

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happier and more pleasure. They could be released their stress by shopping.

On the other hand

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, ı think

people

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should be encouraged to do some other rewarding activities

such

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as sports, some interests, doing volunteer work for charities and so on. Sport is a hobby that

people

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can enjoy whilst

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

their

heath

Correct your spelling

health

show examples

As a result

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people

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have a chance to be more social and improve their self-esteem.

For instance

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, some interests,

such

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as photography and art offer a creative outlet.

The

Correct article usage

show examples

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, some other pastimes

such

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as chess, keep

people

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mental astute. İn conclusion, ı would argue that some inexperienced mankind prefers to go shopping as being a favourite hobby due to advertising on TV and in magazines incentivising

people

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to buy products and luxury items they do not need and some

people

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find shopping therapeutic because it can take their minds off their problems.

However

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, some

people

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argue that

people

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should be encouraged to do some other rewarding activities.

Submitted by ssunay2017 on Fri Apr 22 2022

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think that they should be en couraged to do some other useful activities?

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that housing is a basic human right for all individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.