IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people work for the same organization for their working life.Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Although
Linking Words
 it is thought by some that serving for various
companies
Use synonyms
 is finer,others are preferred to stay longer within the same
company
Use synonyms
 throughout their whole career length.In my opinion,I believe that versatility in career progress is more advantageous than
remain
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 in the same. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 have the tendency to be a part of an
organisation
Use synonyms
 like
Linking Words
second
Add an article
a second
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 home for their whole dedicated service life.It is often seen that employees feel comfortable and get used to
overall
Add an article
the overall
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 cultural environment as well as they dedicatedly work for the interest of the
Use synonyms
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
alignments
Fix the agreement mistake
alignment
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 with
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 norms,values and principles.
As a result
Linking Words
,they can cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well and acquire vast knowledge on different contexts of an
organisation
Use synonyms
 for their long-standing.working for long under
a familiar surroundings
Correct the article-noun agreement
familiar surroundings
a familiar surrounding
show examples
 enforce building up a strong bonding with colleagues,superiors and customers and making an emotional attachment to the
organisation
Use synonyms
 as a whole.
Moreover
Linking Words
,long time service length refers to experienced
people
Use synonyms
 retaining with
gradul
Correct your spelling
gradual
 increments in salary and some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experts
Add an article
the experts
show examples
 are chosen for acting as future leaders of the
company
Use synonyms
.A government jobholder,
for example
Linking Words
,an employee of NAVY forces works in different areas within
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 for his whole service duration
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 retirement at
60s
Change the article
the 60s
show examples
 which is determined by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,others always look forward to working scopes in different segments of multiple organisations.As
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 world is fully competitive and
companies
Use synonyms
 nowadays every time
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 hiring
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 having a good command
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different aspects namely management skills,technological experience,Microsoft office using capacity and so on,
thus
Linking Words
 it is really important gaining expertise by working with various
companies
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,different
companies
Use synonyms
 have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 of working methods and technologies for the completion of daily tasks.An employee working in
banking
Add an article
the banking
show examples
 sector,
for instance
Linking Words
,generally works between 2 to 5 years and
then
Linking Words
switch
Correct subject-verb agreement
switches
show examples
 to another bank in the search of
upgraded
Add an article
an upgraded
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 position with attractive remuneration.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the person grasps the opportunity of gaining experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different banking software of both
companies
Use synonyms
 that are needed to maintain
customers
Change noun form
customers'
customer's
show examples
 banking accounts.Clearly,working facilities under different corporate have a greater influence on career progress as well as social networking with different categories of
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,while
people
Use synonyms
 may vary their opinions,I think to be sustained in
such
Linking Words
 a raising competition,
people
Use synonyms
 are focusing more on
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of their knowledge and being an asset
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 rather spending
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period of their job attachment in the same boundary of an
organisation
Use synonyms
.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
What to do next:
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