IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think hard work and determination bring success. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #work #determination #success #factors #money #appearance
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Many individuals believe that doing things with proper dedication and with full concentration is the key to victory. And rest of the human beings assume that there are many more ways for the same like personality and capital are
also
Linking Words
 very essential. The upcoming paragraph shall elucidate my views with relevant examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, hard
work
Use synonyms
 and strength is the major factor in someone’s
life
Use synonyms
 as without
this
Linking Words
 not many individuals can build their career
additionally
Linking Words
, because only by sitting at
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same place and thinking about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 will not
work
Use synonyms
 until one should get up and do some
work
Use synonyms
 to fulfil goals which they dreamed of,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 a survey conducted by Cambridge University that in recent covid time many people are in a habit of sitting home and not going out for some
work
Use synonyms
 as everything is online whether study or office and most of them are now having
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, it shows how beneficial hard
work
Use synonyms
 and dedication
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 for one’s
life
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of humans imagine that only if someone is financially good and with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 personality can achieve their goals in
life
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they don’t have to do
work
Use synonyms
 as they can start any business or can go to any country,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 a survey conducted by different states stated that people living in porch areas usually don’t do much
work
Use synonyms
 as they are already well settled and enjoying their
life
Use synonyms
 without having any kind of stress.
As a result
Linking Words
, if one is good looking and well dressed with
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of money are already lucky enough in
life
Use synonyms
. It is clearly shown that every kind of human
exist
Replace the word
existence
show examples
 in the world many people believe in hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 don’t have to as most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the difficult situation can be
resolve
Wrong verb form
resolved
show examples
 by money.
Submitted by baldeep6541 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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