Whether or not someone achieves their aims in life is mostly a question of luck? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, an issue related to
luck
in our life is widely discussed among
people
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
the world,a lot of
people
believe that
luck
plays an important part in reaching their goals.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
argue that
diligence
, talent,
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
, and motivation are
also
nessarary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for achieving their aim. I strongly hold
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that achieving their aim
is
Verb problem
does
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not rely on only
luck
.
To begin
with,
diligence
is always the most obvious way to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
success.
For instance
, Babar Azam is a famous cricket captain player in Pakistan who is very hard working.Joining the national cricket team
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
not easy for him. he was a ball boy in childhood in the stadium,
when
Correct word choice
and when
show examples
he was a teen he joined the cricket academy and started working on his skills.,
Moreover
he did a part-time job
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
the institute fee.
as a result
, His
diligence
make a way for him what he dreamed for his life.
Secondly
, Talent
also
plays a vital role in achieving our aims.For ,example If someone
will
Verb problem
does
show examples
not have the confidence to act
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
a bunch of
people
, how would he
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
success in his life
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In addition
, Talent is
also
working to reach the goal is
such
diligence
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand,some
people
believe that
luck
is more important than any other factor.
For example
, the child is born into a rich family so it means that he will have the opportunity to get a
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
standard of education than other
people
.and it will help him to achieve his aim.like if he wanted to be a doctor, and his family is so supportive and helped him to achieve the goal that he set.so it means that he is lucky that he got
such
a good supportive family because not everyone is lucky like him. In Conclusion.
Achieve
Wrong verb form
Achieving
show examples
our aims is not only dependent on
luck
there are
also
other ways to get the success that we want.
Submitted by hameedsarmad03 on

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task response
Ensure a clear position on the issue of luck in achieving aims is stated and maintained throughout the essay. Develop arguments more consistently and provide a balanced evaluation of both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using transitions to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Ensure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure in the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aims
  • determination
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • effort
  • planning
  • unpredictability
  • innovation
  • perseverance
  • perception
  • sustainability
  • adaptation
  • networking
  • initiative
  • random chance
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