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Band 5.5

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
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In our society today, most youths spend their leisure
time
 at shopping
malls
, which is often considered bad for them and society in general. I totally agree with
this
 statement, as there are many negative outcomes
as a result
 of
this
. Which includes; a decrease in productivity and promotion of laziness amongst the youths.
Firstly
, a general decrease in productivity would be expected from most young people who prefer to spend their leisure
time
 in shopping
malls
.
For example
, recent studies have shown a decline in the academic performance of those who spent more
time
 at
malls
 as compared to students who spent most of their free
time
 studying in the library. It is safe today that using one's leisure
time
 effectively, will have better outcomes than being idle at a mall.
Secondly
,
this
 promotes laziness and
also
 reduces creativity.
For instance
 , teenagers are supposed to help with chores at home and assist their parents with certain duties,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 most prefer to avoid these chores by going out.
This
 could hinder their proper upbringing and
also
 reduce moral values. In summary, I strongly agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are repercussions to wasting one's free
time
 at shopping
malls
, as
this
 could reduce overall productivity, and creativity, decrease moral values, promote laziness and
also
 encourage bad habits.
Submitted by ebiweiziebiye on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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