it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Raising
children
is complicated. There is a debate among parents about how to punish a
child
for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
disobedience. Some argue that
children
should be strictly educated. But I don't agree with them, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
they need to be supported all the time and be guided on the right path by motivation all the time, as it puts less pressure and helps to develop individuality.
Children
are fragile
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
, they are easy to be affected by outward factors.
Therefore
, when parents are strict with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
, it puts a lot of pressure on them
than
Correct word choice
and
show examples
causes them negative emotions and mental trauma, which can have a very bad effect on their future. A
child
who has grown up under pressure will get used to it and will only work on himself and develop when someone punishes him for being unproductive.
This
, in turn, would make him completely incapable and uncompetitive in the labour market. But if the educator uses "soft power"
instead
, things can go differently. Soft power means that the pupil will be motivated to develop because their parents will offer special prizes and rewards for their achievements.
This
will help the
child
to understand why he or she needs to develop, as the ultimate goal of all carers is to show and explain to the
child
that self-development and improvement
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
necessary to achieve what you want and to achieve your desires.
Such
education will produce highly productive and
potential
Change the adjective
potentially
show examples
human beings for society. In the end,
although
some people think
children
should be brought up harshly, they can be influenced on a more "soft level" and
this
will be many times a better solution.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: