IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
The
people
 of every country must be facilitated by the free health service but they should
also
 pay for high-cost
treatments
. I completely agree with
this
 statement that every country should provide free of cost basic medical services for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 citizens because they are taxpayers and
also
 it will
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the humanity
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
people
 of the nation. I would like to explain my point of view in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, The states collect tax on everything from their residents,
therefore
 they are responsible to fulfil
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 basic
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 requirements. The
government's
Change the noun form
governments
government
show examples
 must provide at least basic medical services excluding the latest
madical
Correct your spelling
medical
treatments
 like
heart-surgery
Correct your spelling
heart surgery
show examples
 and other kinds of operations.
For instance
, everyone pays tax according to the government's rules and regulations, whenever he/she does any activity
such
 as
purchaing
Correct your spelling
purchasing
 something,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 electricity,
burn
Wrong verb form
burning
show examples
 gas
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 and so on and so forth. Every department mention taxes
list
Change the form of the verb
listed
show examples
 on the bills. In return,
people
 deserve basic
treatments
 from the hospitals. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, the free medical
treatments
also
 show a kind face of governments
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 public. They should introduce some health schemes for
people
 of the society.
For example
, our previous government introduced a "Sehat-Card" scheme which is used by the
people
 for their free
treatments
 in every civil
hospitals
Change to a singular noun
hospital
show examples
. Every
card-holder
Correct your spelling
card holder
show examples
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 to the hospital and explain his disease and give them his allocated card.
However
, they will evaluate that if the treatment is within 10 lakh they will deduct
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
 fees and get back his card. In case
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exceeding the limit,
people
 will pay reaming expenses.
In
Correct your spelling
I
show examples
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, as I have already discussed, every nation must provide basic medical services free of cost and I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 statement because
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of every country are taxpayers and
also
 it's a sign of kindness.
Submitted by mahmood.hafiz2272 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: