IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #circle #relationships
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Relationships have always been troublesome. Some individuals rather numerous
friendships
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 as opposed to a few selected ones.
This
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 essay will reflect on both sides and give my opinion. Having a huge social circle offers the luxury
to
Change preposition
of
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fill
Verb problem
spending
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure
time
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 with them. Since humans have the desire to interact with each other, whenever that feeling is aroused it can be fulfilled.
For instance
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, communities often have regular gatherings regardless of the number of attendees.
For
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this
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 reason, it is beneficial to be a member of mentioned groups.
Therefore
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, the more
friendships
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, the less
time
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 spent alone.
In addition
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, a tremendous amount of information can be passed along. When socialising leads to a bond formation, the exchange of knowledge occurs.
Due to
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 the distinct professions of people within the band, superficial knowledge of different fields can be grasped.
On the contrary
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, a limited number of close personal relationships results in the building of
trust
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. Because the ability to
trust
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 someone takes a notable amount of
time
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, only those are candidates whom we spend more
time
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 with. To illustrate,
friendships
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 built at university are often
friendships
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 for life.
As a result
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, people commonly
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 to engage and put their
trust
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 in known human beings. It can be argued that meeting new people offers
trust
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 in more individuals;
however
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,
due to
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 the aforementioned reason of building
trust
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 and the less desire to meet new faces as we age, it can be ruled out.
To sum up
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, broad
friendships
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 enable more interaction and enhancement of knowledge,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 tiny circles present a mounting
trust
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 foundation. I personally feel that the presence of both groups in life is crucial and ought not to be restricted to one of them,
nevertheless
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.
Submitted by sbehtashs on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and introduces the main points to be discussed.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Clear expression of ideas and opinions.
coherence and cohesion
Well-organized essay structure with proper introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Effective use of contrasting points to discuss both sides of the issue.
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