IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart indicates the variety in
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
three types of electronic devices - washing
machines
Use synonyms
, refrigerators, and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners,
in addition
Linking Words
 to the proportion of families in a country spending time doing
chores
Use synonyms
 from 1920 to 2019. Generally speaking, in 1920, the number of quantities of washing
machines
Use synonyms
 was the largest among them all, and there was almost no one owned a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, when it came to 2019, most
people
Use synonyms
 have a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 or a
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner,
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 don’t have a washing machine. And during
this
Linking Words
 period of time,
people
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 time spent doing their
chores
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, in 1920, 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 had a washing machine, and 30% of them had a
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner, yet almost none of them had a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, after two decades, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 owning a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 had risen to roughly 52%,
while
Linking Words
 those owning washing
machines
Use synonyms
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners had both risen by merely 20%. In 2000, those having refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners have risen to 100%, yet those having washing
machines
Use synonyms
 remained constant at 70% for decades. There were 50% of families
doing
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 their
chores
Use synonyms
 every week back in 1920, but the number of
people
Use synonyms
 doing it has declined throughout the years, and merely 10% of them were doing their
chores
Use synonyms
 each week in the year 2019.
Submitted by rruby6120tw on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machines, vacuum, chores, refrigerator, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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