Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Contemporary
society
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is known as the era of capitalisation. From
this
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aspect, discussions about whether
contribution
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the contribution
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of
society
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is more
significance
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significant
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for
success
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compared to
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
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plenty of income are raised. In my opinion, capital is more important rather than fame for
success
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. Evidently, money is one of the main resources that allows
population
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the population
a population
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to spend their lives with basic living quality, which is strongly related to
successful
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a successful
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life. To exemplify, human being demands food, clothing, and shelter, which are the necessities of life.
Individuals
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might not be able to sustain their satisfactory lives
,
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apply
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if those factors are not adequately met. What is more, modern
society
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is overly competitive and accelerates as the years go by year.
Thus
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, to be successful,
individuals
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need to invest
themselves
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in themselves
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such
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as study and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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more experiences which are required a lot of
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
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.
Nevertheless
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, some
individuals
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believe that even if they have enormous money, they are not successful unless they are the public who make contributions to
society
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such
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as scientists, presidents, and police officers. The
individuals
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, who work in
this
Linking Words
area, are usually respected by the local and children want to be like them, that are one of the evidence of
success
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. When
individuals
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receive respect
in
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for
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sake
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the sake
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of their hard work, they feel proud,
fulfilled
Correct word choice
and fulfilled
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so that their quality of life improves. To sum up,
standard
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the standard
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of
success
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depends on how the population feel or
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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, as
this
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essay illustrates two different groups.
However
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,
although
Linking Words
individuals
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keep contributing
for
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to
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society
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, if they earn less income from their work compared to the others, it would be tough to live in
competitive
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a competitive
the competitive
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society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shoep11 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
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