Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion
Contemporary
society
is known as the era of capitalisation. From this
aspect, discussions about whether contribution
of Add an article
the contribution
society
is more significance
for Replace the word
significant
success
compared to earn
plenty of income are raised. In my opinion, capital is more important rather than fame for Wrong verb form
earning
success
.
Evidently, money is one of the main resources that allows population
to spend their lives with basic living quality, which is strongly related to Add an article
the population
a population
successful
life. To exemplify, human being demands food, clothing, and shelter, which are the necessities of life. Add an article
a successful
Individuals
might not be able to sustain their satisfactory lives,
if those factors are not adequately met. What is more, modern Remove the comma
apply
society
is overly competitive and accelerates as the years go by year. Thus
, to be successful, individuals
need to invest themselves
Change preposition
in themselves
such
as study and have
more experiences which are required a lot of Wrong verb form
having
expenditures
.
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
Nevertheless
, some individuals
believe that even if they have enormous money, they are not successful unless they are the public who make contributions to society
such
as scientists, presidents, and police officers. The individuals
, who work in this
area, are usually respected by the local and children want to be like them, that are one of the evidence of success
. When individuals
receive respect in
Change preposition
for
sake
of their hard work, they feel proud, Add an article
the sake
fulfilled
so that their quality of life improves.
To sum up, Correct word choice
and fulfilled
standard
of Add an article
the standard
success
depends on how the population feel or believe
, as Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
this
essay illustrates two different groups. However
, although
individuals
keep contributing for
Change preposition
to
society
, if they earn less income from their work compared to the others, it would be tough to live in competitive
Add an article
a competitive
the competitive
society
.Submitted by shoep11 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite