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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

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In Western countries, the overweight of the young generation has become an increasingly urgent concern.
This
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 essay will examine the primary causes of overweight
children
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 and propose feasible strategies to address
this
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 issue effectively. One of the principal causes of rapid weight gain is that
children
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 tend to follow an unhealthy
diet
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 in their daily meals.
This
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 can be attributed to the fact that the prevalence of fast food or pre-made food in stores and restaurants.
Consequently
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,
this
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 consumption leads youth are easy to have serious health problems
such
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 as obesity or diabetes. Another compelling factor is that
children
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 are limited to doing regular exercise and physical activities.
This
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 stems from the fact that they often spend their time playing games, chatting with friends, or scrolling through social media in the technological era.
As a result
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, a sedentary lifestyle leads
children
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 to be hesitant to work out. To address
this
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 growing issue, it is crucial and essential to have a balanced
diet
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 by boosting fresh vegetables and fruits, drinking sparkling water, and , importantly, cutting down on sugary food. It is recommended that
this
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 approach be prioritised because a healthy
diet
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 plays a pivotal role in staying in shape. Another visible suggestion is to engage in physical exercises in daily basis.
This
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 could be achieved through hitting the gym, doing yoga, or taking meditation. In conclusion, overweight among
children
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 remains a complex and multifaceted challenge that demands immediate attention.
While
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 having an imbalanced
diet
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 and limiting exercise are identified as the key driving factors, providing quality meals and increasing body movements represent meaningful and actionable steps that can help mitigate
this
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 challenge significantly.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task. The question asks for causes and effects, but your essay gives causes and solutions. Add clear effects on children, family, and society.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Use one paragraph for causes and one paragraph for effects. This will fit the task better.
task response
Support each main point with a short and clear example. For example, say how too much screen time can lead to less sport and more weight gain.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words and sentence form. Some lines are hard to follow, so use simple links like because, so, also, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas clear and direct. Some parts repeat the same point, like healthy diet and exercise, so add new points instead of repeating.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph plan, so the reader can follow your main ideas.
task response
You give two clear causes: bad food and not enough exercise.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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