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Band 5.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphone #development
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Because of technological development,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer their mobile phones spending their free
time
Use synonyms
. The main reasons would be due to its easiest way to fill their
time
Use synonyms
 and do many tasks fast that occurred many negative impacts on health. Nowadays
people
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 experience hectic lives which make them not have a special activity during pastime.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they use their smartphone, which has to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
chance to not only have communication but browsing on the internet
also
Linking Words
. Many mobile users may find it difficult to go outside or be physically active in their free
time
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.
However
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, they could relax on a sofa and use their phone;
besides
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, they can communicate with their friends and families;
as a result
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, they do not necessitate in-person meetings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can play games, investigate the internet, read e-books and spend
time
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 on social media. Too much phone usage would bring health problems
such
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 as obesity. Provided that
people
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 sit for many hours and do not move for many hours, they would not burn calorie intake;
consequently
Linking Words
, their fat mass increases and they experience obesity.
People
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 are mostly deprived of enough movement since their sedentary lifestyle,
such
Linking Words
 as commuting by
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
, using
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
the mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to have conversations, and having jobs that require sitting for
such
Linking Words
 a long
time
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 would be less active and more unhealthy. In conclusion, mobile phones are an important part of
people
Use synonyms
's lives as they are straightforward and multi-tasking devices. Unfortunately, it makes
people
Use synonyms
 have less mobility and cause health issues.
Submitted by kimiasphri on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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