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Band 4.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have alot of money How might having alot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #alot #money
Some
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 mindset is that having more
money
 in their
life
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great way to be happy. In my opinion,
money
 is the main thing which we need to live a better quality of
life
.
However
, we cannot live a happy
life
 without having
money
 in our pockets.
To begin
 with, having
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
show examples
 amount of
money
 can be a satisfaction to a great extent for some people because if they have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 to wherever they want to spend so they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 need to worry about anything to live a healthy happy
life
.
For Instance
, if someone wants to stay in a luxury
5 star
Add a hyphen
5-star
show examples
 hotel so he or she might not even think to pay for it because they have
unlimited
Add an article
an unlimited
show examples
 budget to spend
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
 they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to.
On the contrary
, many other things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot be replaceable by only means of
money
 or we can say financial
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
. For say, there are multiple other ways of happiness
instead
 of only
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
 like love,
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
comfort, friends and most importantly our family.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
 say
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we build a beautiful house but if our family
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 agree to live there so how it will
be compensate
Change the verb form
be compensated
show examples
 in
this
 situation a house that we build is
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 house without having family in it. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
,
money
 has its own
importants
Correct your spelling
importance
important
 in
Correct your spelling
today's
Todays
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 Era everyone needs it but some other lifes crucial things cannot be ignored with only having
money
 like our loved ones around us to be a greater way of many of us
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
.
Submitted by hifzasiddiqui10 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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