IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think young people are not suitable for important position in the government while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on the positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Inclusivity among governmental job
positions
Use synonyms
 is paramount for nations, including youth involvement in it. Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that youngsters are unfit for many major governmental
positions
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is a marvellous idea to involve young
people
Use synonyms
 to take part in the
positions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both points of view and give my personal standpoint in detail. First of all, many individuals think that young
people
Use synonyms
 or
Generation
Use synonyms
 Z are not suitable for important jobs to serve the authority
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of experience.
For example
Linking Words
, a fresh graduate usually has no more than two years of experience.
In addition
Linking Words
, youngsters usually need to adapt to the company culture that has a wide range of age gap.
In particular
Linking Words
,
generation
Use synonyms
 Z language often makes the boomer
generation
Use synonyms
 confused and leads to task misunderstanding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, involving youth to take substantial jobs in the government will give a structural refreshment of the political approach.
For instance
Linking Words
,
generation
Use synonyms
 Z can process complaints from societies through many social media
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram and TikTok.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters are more energetic and able to multitask.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 their young age, so their body is mostly stronger than the older ones. To summarize, allowing youth to the jobs related to authority will produce more magnificent advantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of banning young
people
Use synonyms
 from many governmental
positions
Use synonyms
 cannot be supported. After a thorough analysis of
this
Linking Words
 subject, I firmly believe that creating inclusive job
positions
Use synonyms
 for all age groups should be prioritized.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the capabilities or limitations of youth in governmental roles.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are strong, try to expand on the points in the body paragraphs to make a more compelling and detailed argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is very clear and logical, effectively guiding the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your essay and restates your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Your main ideas are clear and well-organized, contributing to a coherent and cohesive essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deep understanding
  • professional relationships
  • effective governance
  • fresh and innovative ideas
  • modernizing government policies
  • contemporary issues
  • familiarity with technology
  • social media
  • digital age
  • adaptable
  • open to change
  • progressive policies
  • emotional maturity
  • decision-making skills
  • gravitas
  • authority
  • leadership positions
  • democratic representation
  • policymaking
  • balanced and inclusive governance
  • competence
  • passion
  • dedication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: