IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

#worker #age #people
It is widely acknowledged that the age of elderly group mostly gets retirement from their permanent jobs.
Nevertheless
, other people agreed to continue their careers until they lose the capacity and desirable needs. In
this
 essay, the point of view on
this
 topic will be clarified in the
next
 paragraph. These days, global citizens have become an ageing society, and more than 20 % of the total population are older than 60 years old. There are many benefits to working after the retirement period.
First
 of all, older persons could acquire a salary and the funding concentration by the government will be reduced. The
second
 advantage
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that cognitive function and brain function can be used and decrease the chances of Alzheimer's disease.
Lastly
, Social acceptance from other age groups could support the geriatric persons to
work
 and have core values in their life. There are ,
however
, some drawbacks of working at age over 60.
For example
, disruptive effects of digital technology, smart devices and urbanization impacts, some elderly workers need more time and personal devotion for understanding these issues. The
further
 negative aspect is connected with dexterity for physical activities, it mostly became slower when compared to the working-age group. In conclusion, there are many supporting factors for encouraging elderly persons to
work
 in their careers,
nevertheless
, we need to monitor their health and plan prior to the long-term
work
. If they can
work
, it will reduce the chance of memory loss and the ability for helping themselves in daily life.
Submitted by was_27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • social security
  • life expectancy
  • mental and physical well-being
  • active and engaged
  • mentorship
  • knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • physical strength
  • workplace safety
  • healthcare costs
  • accommodation
  • financial strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: