IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people spend most time of their lives living close to where they were born What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #time #lives
It is true that few
people
 spend most time of their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 living close to where they were born. In my point of view,
this
 can be beneficial because they can have
connection
Add an article
a connection
show examples
 with their families or they can support them easily, the main disadvantage is that they might be lost some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opportunities
Add an article
the opportunities
show examples
. On the one hand, one of the most reasons why
people
 spend their lives living not far from
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 they need to keep in touch with their parents.
For example
,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed that 80% of
people
 who make
decision
Add an article
the decision
a decision
show examples
 to
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
 tend to spend time with
Add an article
a parent
the parent
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
. Having said that family is the key to
people
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 where they are born. Which can be seen as
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
this
 development is thought to be disadvantageous
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 that
people
 might be lost a lot of
opportunities
 to do something they want to do.
This
 is because few
people
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 in the area far from
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a big shopping centre, a large library, or a movie theatre. To illustrate that, in recent news, it has reported that many
people
 move to
living
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in the main city because there are bring a lot of benefices to do what they need
such
 as job
opportunities
.
As a result
, living far from
hometown
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be considered
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
show examples
. To sum up,
although
this
 tread is beneficial because
people
 living in
hometown
 or same city which their family can support and keep relationship with
parent
Add an article
a parent
the parent
show examples
. It can be detrimental as they can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 a lot of
opportunities
.
Submitted by fon9sk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: