IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

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There is no denying the fact that children now spend most of their time on digital screens. It is a commonly held belief that kids should be watched
while
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 they are watching TV. Without the presence of parents, children are at more risk of viewing unpreferable content which may severely affect their behavior in the future.
However
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, there are several solutions that I will discuss in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several efficient steps that caregivers need to keep in mind before purchasing any entertainment device.
Firstly
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, It might be said that parental guidance is a key factor in managing teens' attitudes towards any new trends.
In other words
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, Parents should monitor their kids closely by their physical presence or installing surveillance cameras in their rooms.
Secondly
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, restricting individuals' access, and their use of video games,
for example
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, might reduce the inevitable harmful influence they may get from continuous playing.
That is
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 to say, they will engage and interact with family conversations more because they have little to spend on other distractors.
Thirdly
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, educational institutions should educate their members about the extreme drawbacks of the gradual use of digital screens on their minds and physical health.
Finally
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, severe punishments and fines should be legalized by the authorities if any individual shows offensive or violent attitudes against mates, teachers, or parents. In conclusion, with the spread of globalization and technology fathers ' and mothers' missions are way more difficult than before. Caregivers are facing new challenges and gradual struggles concerning their parenting style. They should be always on their toes, facing any parasite invasion from the outside world.

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task achievement
Ensure clear and specific examples are provided to support your points. This can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the progression between your ideas even clearer. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the question, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the question, discussing both the harm of violence in media and possible solutions.
task achievement
Your ideas come across clearly and are generally comprehensive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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