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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that young people should follow traditional values of their societies. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The idea that, whether adolescents ought to follow traditional values that have been implemented by their societies or they should be free from these restrictions, remains a source of controversy. In
this
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 disquisition, I will explicate both stances before presenting my Consensus on the latter view. On the one hand, there are myriad reasons behind my agreement
why
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that
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 young people should be free. The most prominent one is that there are some traditional
customs
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 which are not suitable for modern society. To elucidate
further
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, a number of
customs
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 that have been followed by our societies for thousands of years not only become backdated but
also
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 might be harmful to the environment.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 example, An article published by -'The Times'- in the UK Concluded about the fake money burning rituals in Vietnam that
this
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 festival is responsible for 30% of total Co₂ gas emission in Vietnam.
Therefore
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, it is inevitable that following
customs
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 might create adverse impacts on our societies.
On the other hand
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, why do some people think that the rituals should be followed by youngsters?
firstly
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, These usually Convey the cultures and traditions of our ancestors. To decipher
this
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, nowadays,
due to
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 globalization, People are getting away from their own traditions which might result in vanquishing their native cultures.
For instance
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, research conducted by a group of historians revealed that almost 40 cultures
get
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go
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 extinct every year owing to the advancement of technology and globalization.
Hence
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, following the social
customs
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 will play a great role
to conserve
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in conserving
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 native regulations. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that following social traditions is undeniable in order to protect them, youngsters should act as individuals and they should not be bound to these rules and regulations.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that youngsters should do the things which are advantageous to our environment
as well as
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 our World.

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Task Response
The essay provides a balanced discussion on the topic and addresses both views effectively. Make sure to clearly express your opinion in the introduction to enhance task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with a proper introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could be more developed to introduce the topic in more depth.
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