IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 have become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major issue in the whole world. While most of the public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 affected by
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 brutal actions. Wherever a person who engaged within
Add a hyphen
crime-related
show examples
crime- related
Correct your spelling
crime-related
show examples
 tasks ,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 purpose to do
such
Linking Words
 movements in their
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasonable factors according to these bad practices and explain some recommendations to mitigate these critical
activities
Use synonyms
 in our community.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of humans are willing to do illegal movements because it helps to fulfil their
life
Use synonyms
 necessities and requirements.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty is the most compelling factor for these issues.
Consequently
Linking Words
, poor people admitted to do
crimes
Use synonyms
 until
pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
 their needs.
In addition
Linking Words
, the public who have not any educational knowledge unless they think about
such
Linking Words
 criminal tasks
right
Add a missing verb
are right
show examples
 or wrong.
For example
Linking Words
, In 2000, an Indian survey shows that 80%
prisoners
Change preposition
of prisoners
show examples
 do not have any educational background in their
life
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, family background is another reason because some children's parents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enrolled in criminal actions
as a result
Linking Words
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
also
Linking Words
 would able to do
such
Linking Words
activities
Use synonyms
 in their future. Naturally, there are two types of
crimes
Use synonyms
, minor
crimes
Use synonyms
 and major
crimes
Use synonyms
. Damaging public or private properties, vandalism, shoplifting and disturbing others are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minor
Add an article
the minor
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 while major
crimes
Use synonyms
 are burglaries, car thefts, murders and child and drug trafficking. Whenever criminals do not fear
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
such
Linking Words
activities
Use synonyms
 as they get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to increase their income in daily
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a responsible government should want to introduce policies and schemes to tackle
this
Linking Words
 current complete problem in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. Wherever local authorities must need to aware people about
crimes
Use synonyms
. Particularly school children should
be educate
Change the verb form
be educated
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 problem because in future they will know how to face
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 issues in society and they will try to get legal actions to mitigate in their lifetime.
Submitted by skrodrigo030 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: